Breaking the Cycle of Relapse

It was a Wednesday. It followed a weekend binge that didn‘t stop Sunday night, Monday morning or Tuesday afternoon. I kept calling in sick to work. I couldn’t stop. It would prove to be my last spree. It was a long time in the making. I went to my first Twelve Step meeting when I […]

Mind Jar Meditation

Lost in the mad rush of modern society is the concept of the Sabbath … a day of rest and rejuvenation. I needed rest and rejuvenation. I cared little of the debate whether the Sabbath falls on a Saturday or Sunday. I cared little of Biblical injunctions on what I could or couldn’t do on […]

Making Gratitude an Action Word

Several years ago, after being tipped off to the practice by a friend, I started wearing a rubber band around my right wrist. Thanks to the advent of the cell phone, I rarely wear a wristwatch so there is some empty fleshy real estate. But the rubber band is not a fashion accessory; rather, it […]

Book Review-Sane: Mental Illness, Addiction and the Twelve Steps

Dual-diagnosis. Co-occurring disorder. Bipolar alcoholic. That‘s how I’m branded. I used to deal with my alcoholism and bipolar disorder as two separate and distinct issues-intensive step work to deal with alcoholism and mindlessly taking meds for the bipolar disorder. Then four years into my permanent sobriety I got the hair-brained notion (which I regrettably picked […]

Why I Go To So Many Meetings

After putting in my eight plus at the 0l’ nine-to-five I jump in my truck to head home. Before hopping in I note the large dent in the driver’s side rear door where my wife had inadvertently backed into me. Oops! Wasn’t she the one that suggested I park up by the garage instead of […]

Why Meds Might Be Appropriate–Concluded

(Note: So I thought I could get away with the last post and just leave everyone hanging.  My wife and friends saw it different. I even had someone brave having to leave their email in order to leave a comment. (I have since disabled that requirement and made it easier to comment.)) So now, as Paul […]

Why Meds Might Be Appropriate

It was stifling hot that July of 1999. I felt the Arizona summer rush into my apartment as soon as I opened the door. They looked miserable: the young, beautiful teenage girl and the older man accompanying her. I invited them in. In part to spare them from the heat, in part because they were […]

Tuning Out W-EGO

Finally! After fourteen years of sitting in meetings in a deaf, but unfortunately not mute, state, I heard the emphasis on seeking and doing God’s will. Striking at my core was a line from the literature that suggested some of us had not prayed rightly. We had prayed “grant me my wishes” instead of ‘Thy will […]

First Drink (Part 2 of 2)

Though I intended my first drink to be a social one it wasn’t meant to be. Both the friends I invited overcame from homes where alcohol was present. Since they had been allowed small glasses of wine on festive occasions, alcohol held no Mystique or Allure (the noun and transitive verb, not the headliners at […]

First Drink (Part 1 of 2)

I enjoy a good pee. It puts a smile on my face. Not only have I peed in some rather unusual places, like my boss’s potted desk plant, but I have literally been in a pissing contest. When I was a high-rise window washer in my early college years I had a supervisor who bought […]