Crushing the Mental Obsession

I thought about drinking. Not on occasion. Not when the weekend rolled around. Not when the workday drew to a close. But constantly. I was obsessed with the thought of a drink whenever alcohol was not metabolizing in my system. The mental obsession was my constant companion for over twenty years. But for the past […]

The Ball and Chain…

The first drink had few consequences. Sure there was the dry mouth and the shards of glass rattling around in my brain the next morning. But that cleared up relatively quickly. I didn’t drink again for a year. The second drink was a few shots of gin before high school wrestling practice. My coach asked […]

More on Acceptance

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” — Michael J. Fox While it is important to accept life as it is, there is a catch. Acceptance implies that I am fully conscious and aware of how things really are, […]

99 Bottles of Skyy on the Shelf…

…I think I am sharing the wealth. Within a two mile radius of my home are a plethora of drugstores, grocery stores, convenience stores and liquor stores that can meet my need for one half-pint of Skyy vodka. Always just one. Each intended to be the last. Over the course of the day I vary […]

Live Your Way into Right Thinking?

I write this at my own peril. My wife—she who wears the pants, skirts and most of the dresses in this relationship—took great exception when I told her what I was planning to blog about. She didn’t explicitly forbid me from blogging on this topic, but the implication was that if I went down this […]

Taking the Leap of Faith

There was a man who got lost in the desert. The summer sun was sweltering. Even the cacti looked parched. Wandering for miles his mouth became very dry, his lips cracked and his body ached with thirst. In a weakened state he spied a shack in the distance and made his way there. Once inside […]

Thoughts on Acceptance

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers The slugfest began with my first Twelve Step meeting–I was twenty-eight. I was forty-two when I put the bottle down and waved the white flag of surrender. After little blips, like trying to burn down […]

Can Chores Keep You Sober?

Alcoholism runs strong on my mother’s side of the family. Though she has never imbibed—she being the white sheep from a rather colorful herd—I’d blame her for carrying the drink-till-I-puke-blood gene if I was prone to playing the victim card. Regrettably, in an era in which fully grown little boys and girls wear their victimhood […]

Knowing Through Doing

Are you unhappy? Lonely? When Alcoholics Anonymous first formalized the Twelve Steps of recovery now used by so many groups, the success rate was in the neighborhood of 50 to 75 percent. At that time, AA was closely affiliated with The Oxford Group, a non-denominational movement modeled after first century Christianity–a group which stressed total […]

A Shadow of a Life

I barely exist I get up, reluctantly Work another day   Aimless, directionless, floundering   Going through motions Will the clock ever strike five? Shuffle out the door   Aimless, directionless, floundering   A drink, then another Then I lose count completely Involuntary nap   Aimless, directionless, floundering   Clanging alarm sounds The next verse […]